My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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