FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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