we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
