the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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