I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
