I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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