She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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