Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
