so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
