i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
