I bet he comes in French.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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