Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
