I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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