if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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