weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
