Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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