okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
