he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
