Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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