The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
