Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
