Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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