Only a mothe r could love this liver
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
