We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Small penises have feelings too.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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