she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
