Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
