She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
