Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why do cheetos always look like penises
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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