Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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