I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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