literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
