I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone came in the potted fern
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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