You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
