i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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