making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
