I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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