you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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