someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
