I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
