Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need a beard to bite.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
