Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
