Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
