I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
