he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
handjob tips. give me some.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
