Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
