i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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