too bad you live with your parents still
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
