We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
