Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
