Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
