This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
