she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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