note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
