can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
