I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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