she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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