john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
