why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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