cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize