apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
