You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
