We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
