Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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