The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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