I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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