Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
