i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
