I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
