I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
